Pairing: Gon/Killua

Rating: PG, mostly just fluff and thoughts.

Summary: Killua is thinking of Gon, of the words that he wishes he could say, but can't.

As many times as he wants to say something, somehow he never could. It always got stuck halfway in his throat but no matter how hard he tried to get it out it just stayed there. It was something he knew his spiky-haired best friend would be able to say with no problem at all. It’s one of the things that he admired. How Gon was able to say what was on his mind without caring what others thought. Some might have seen that as being too blunt or careless, but to him, it was just Gon being Gon. 

“Killua? Are you feeling okay?” He shakes out of his thoughts when he feels a poke to his shoulder, and turns his attention to his friend. There it was, that infectious smile of his, that no matter what dark thoughts may have crossed his mind they just simply melted away when he saw Gon smile. He was his light, the one thing in his life that gave him purpose. 

He smiles and shakes his head. “I was just thinking about something. Nothing to worry about wasn’t anything important.” It was a white lie, but he did mean it. That he didn’t want to worry Gon, it was an issue that he needed to work out on his own. He watches as Gon looks him over as if to see if he could tell if he was telling the truth. When he didn't ask anything further he knew that his lie had passed. 

Sorry, Gon...I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like I’m worthy to say these words. Gon, you are my light while I’m the dark. Sometimes I feel that you’re too bright and I can't look at you. I feel that if I get too close, my darkness would wash over you. Even so...can I still stay by your side? I don’t want to ask for more than that. So...these words I have buried deep, while they may never see the light of day, will always stay with me. ‘I love you’...as simple as those words are to say in my head, I feel unworthy to say them. For now, I just want to stay by your side, that’s all I can ask for.